British Vs Americans

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a Us navy ship and the british authorities, off the Scottish north coast.
The transcript was subsequently released by the mod.
British: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
Us navy: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
British: negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Us navy: this is the captain of us navy ship. i say again, divert your course.
British: negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US navy: this is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. Demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
british : we are a lighthouse. Your choice.

Got to love Brits too

A train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! this American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork inthe wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitchout the window.